11 . 05

yesterday ,, i found my treasure ,, the thing/ things that bring me joy in life ,, i no longer lingering on the feeling of being bored by things constantly again and again ,, i am super thankful and super grateful ,, yesterday through the day i was looking conintueing looking for the thing / things that bring me joy that i live doing it and enjoying it with out getting bored quickly with out hating my self , the environments and people around me with out working like that without any means

or directions as i felt while doing different things here and there ,, and without letting anxiety or fear making me running / escaping into somewhere else or into other events else ,, facing my self and letting my self be it self ,,, ,, yesterday when i was like i am not gonna continue studying korean like this ,, this is so boring , i am not gonna continue watching yt like this ,, i got bored by all of these ,, and i will gonna stay up all outside when i did my project ( the one i decided that i will gonna do ) or go to places and events each time i am gonna stop doing so after awhile knowing my self ,, also right now since i deleted and logged out from insta & twt  apps so take that out of the consideration ( which i think it helped me tremendously a huge huge contribution not being there ) ,, so without beat my self up and forcing to do things ,, without making my self busy , producing things to distract my self !! without me wanting to do so ,, i was let me be my self , let me be guided by ALLAH ( GOD ) i was free,, then before sunset ( i think) i was like i think i want to continue painting ,,the feelings while i was painting on monday morning at 10 a.m and playing monsta x newest to buy album the clan pt2.5 album on my ~ 2007 cd player while doing so ,,was beyond to describe it was indescribable,,  so thats what i did i grabbed my art tools and started to continue the moon at night painting ,, and kinda hangout with my sisters at our bed room , them doing their things and chatting and me painting ,,, OH GOD THE FEELINGS ,, then after i finished with that drawing and had some little break ,, then i grabbed the oil pastels that i bought long time ago i think it was the beginning of this year and then i started to paint with it in my blue note book ,, i was really happy and it became 11 p.m and i was ,, the time i was doing this it felt so fulfilling and joyful 

and this also apply to singing and dancing and performing with a group and i may add writing here to this too maybe hehe

الحمدلله حمدا كثيرا طيبا مباركا فيه